The teacher in me always comes back to the same words, “I believe we are here to learn lessons. Once we learn a lesson we move on to the next one. However, if we fail to learn a lesson, we keep finding opportunities to learn it again and again.”
So a few steps to help myself learn:
1. Believe there is a lesson to be learned…in everything that happens. If something doesn't work out, it's easy to get creative and find some reason why it's someone else's fault.
2. Admit to yourself – you might have been part of the problem. Oh the lessons my father taught me…could this be the first step of the AA program…of course. This does require you to immediately quit playing the blame game! There is absolutely no shame in being able to admit to yourself or others that you made mistakes. If you are used to just dishing out the blame and not accepting your part, remember the research that shows being able to apologize in relationships makes them much more likely to last and thrive.
3. Forget Blame – Calling names, ridiculing, is not feedback; it is abuse! This kind of emotional bad-mouthing may make people fearful, but they'll never respect you because it displays more of your weaknesses than anything else!
4. Let it Go – By now we are all to familiar with “FROZEN” and the words keep resounding over and over again…so it might just work to admit the role I played, forgive myself, and move forward!